La Push Journal: Part 1: Entwined
by DiffyFree
Summary: Jennifer Heartly and her mother have moved to her mother's roots in la Push, having to adjust not only to a new school and home, but also the strange superstitions of the Quileutes. POST-Breaking Dawn; the Wolfe coven;short, journal-style chapters. PART 1
1. January 7th New Town

January 7th

Dear Journal,

So I finally moved in with mom on the reservation at La Push Beach. It's been really hard on her with dad dying and stuff. I think she needs to be with her family right now, at least for a little while. My dad, Richard Heartly was a photojournalist who had gone to Iraq for an article, he died in a raid just two days before he was coming home. It was really hard since we were still living near the army base after having been shifted around by his job. I can understand why we came back to mom's roots.

See, my mom was born in La Push, she has Quileute in her blood. My dad on the other hand was born in Los Angeles and had come to Washington for some pictures of the rainy Forks area. They met on the beach. My dad always said it was love at first sight for him but my mom took quite a bit of convincing. After they married they moved back to my dad's hometown in California. That's where I was born. We had been to Washington a few times to see the grandparents but it's been quite a few years until now.

We've moved in with my grandparents, Marcus and Fran (who all the grandkids call 'Granny Franny'). Mom is still always sad, sometimes I'm sad too, but I'm trying to focus on life here. I start school tomorrow, the first day of the second semester; it's gonna be weird starting at my new school mid-year. I guess that's how it goes sometimes, whatever's best for Mom. I know she tries not to seem so empty in front of me but I hear Granny Franny say "Karen, life must go on, you know he would want you to still smile" to my mom a lot.

She tries to encourage me too because she knows even though I'm not as depressed as mom, I am more pessimistic. Sometimes she says weird things like "Jenny, just it's a new moon doesn't mean the night with be dreary." I'm pretty sure she is constantly trying to get me to be more "Quileute-like". It's gonna be hard. A great gift from dad was his curly red hair; thankfully I'm not an albino and can get tan (though not as dark as mom). I doubt any other Quileutes have red hair. Or curly hair. But whatever, I'll try not to let my genetics get in the way…hopefully no one else will.

They seem to be pretty superstitious here. Grandpa is always telling these stories about the Quileute legends, I'm not sure if I buy it all to be honest even though he acts like he actually saw them. They have these weird ideas about mythical creatures like vampires and werewolves…or shape shifters and Grandpa prefers. Whatever, they seem a lot like werewolves to me except for the whole full moon thing. I don't push it too hard though, I mean, they are just stories, right?

At any rate, I'm going to have to get used to things here. Everything is so different from places we have lived before and it's going to take some time before I can accept this plus as my new home. Did I mention it is always raining? Well, it's snow now but Granny says that if we're lucky we will be a week of sunny days throughout the whole year. It just seems a little ridiculous. It's like God cursed this place to be all gloom and doom. That's another thing to get used to.

XoXo Jennifer Heartly


	2. January 8th New School

January 8h

Dear Journal,

What a weird first day, I mean, really odd. Besides the fact that everyone else seems to have dark hair and tanned skin besides me, I was a total outcast. They weren't rude - the girl I sat next to said high (her name is Leann) and the guy on the other side nodded (he didn't introduce himself but I heard someone call him Walt) – but they were distant.

I sat alone at lunch, somehow I choose the loser table without even trying, and this one group of guys (they looked like a pack of wolves) just starred at me a lot and whispered. I wanted to slap the whole lot of them, but I didn't. It was like they weren't sure if they could trust me or something, I don't know.

And another thing is how they talked about other people. I've even heard Grandpa mention it now. Apparently there is this new family in town – well, new as in they moved to Forks in August – but Grandpa just says that they "moved back" whatever that means. All the older people are kinda freak'n out whenever someone mentions it and that pack of boys get really jittery. I don't know what it's all about. I really want to find out though.

I asked Granny Franny why everyone seems to suspicious of this new family – I've heard them referred to as the "Wolfes" – but she wouldn't tell me. All she said was "Jenny, it's not important, just go read one of our books until dinner". She always wants me to read those Quileute books about legends and stuff. I never do. I mean, it's not that I don't like my ancestry, I just don't care about their superstitions.

Its crazy! They talk like these "Wolfe" people are blood-sucking vampires (doesn't that seem ironic?). Some of the older men are always saying things like "they claim to be relatives" or "they claim to stay on their side". What? I just try to stay out of it. I guys in their old age they have to be entertained somehow. Not that I believe them, but I would like to know what all the fuss is about.

XoXo Jennifer Heartly


	3. January 13th Hottest Guys List

January 13h

Dear Journal,

The first week wasn't so bad, things got better...I think. I managed to sit at a table with people Thursday. I was mostly ignored except by a girl named Sarah and a guy named Jason. Samantha is really nice and gorgeous - probably the prettiest girl on the reservation - and everyone seems to know it but her! She is really sweet and doesn't let all the compliments go to her head; in fact, most of the time she acts like she doesn't deserve them, but I know she does. I swear, I've never gotten as many "you look beautiful today" in my life as she got in one day.

Jason is her twin brother, but I wouldn't go so far as to say he is just as attractive as her. I guess he has potential to be hot but he still has that baby-face kind of look. It's cute but not 'hot'. But I hear boys don't stop growing until they are in their twenties, so I won't be too judgmental on his looks. He has kinda long black hair (like lots of the other guys) and keeps it pulled back in a ponytail. Maybe that's why he's not real high on my "Hottest Guys in La Push" list; I never really liked guys with long hair.

Well, since I brought up 'the list' I might as well give it some space here.

Hottest Guys in La Push

1. Daniel Uley: mostly because his hair is short, cut in that surfer-style, and his eyes are so deep and rich. His grandpa is Sam Uley and one of the biggest leaders in La Push but I don't know why. On the down side, he has a girlfriend and is a little arrogant. He's also apart of that boy-pack.

2. Jackson Steele: maybe because his mom was white so it doesn't make me feel so out of place when I see his blue eyes and light hair. He's single but I hear he has his eye on a girl (plus, tons of girls already have their eyes on him).

3. Cole Clearwater: another La Push legacy, not as gorgeous as the rest but I wouldn't mind having him in my Prom picture. He's single too but too quiet and another member of the boy-pack.

4. Kyle Langley: just another pretty face. Don't really know much about him except he is exceptionally good looking.

5. Jason Black: The last on my list, but it's possible he is only here because he has actually been nice to me.

So there you have it, but those are only the boys in La Push. I haven't seen much of Forks – at least its teenagers – except on one occasion. I was at the store with my mom, she was looking for a new hair blow dryer or something, I can't remember. What I do remember was the person that would be at the top of my list 1) if he lived in La Push and 2) if I knew his name...his full name I mean.

He was gorgeous, not that I'm one for the model-perfect type but sometimes you just have to admit when you see a good one. He had strawberry blonde hair, which was spiked, and amazing topaz eyes. It's really hard to describe him beyond repetitive adjectives so I won't even try. Just picture the most perfect, beautiful man you have ever seen, times that by a thousand and you've got Mr. Mystery.

Well, not completely a mystery: I know he is affiliated with the Wolfes. That's about it. I don't know why the Quileutes would be worried about them? Pretty boys don't seem like the blood-sucking type to me, at least not this one. Though I would say his really pale skin fit the stereotype (but that's it). He also seemed to know I was watching but didn't care. It kind of annoyed me. Maybe he's just used to being stared at.

Just before we left I saw he was joined by another couple just as gorgeous as him but...different. The girl had red hair like me but was unbelievably beautiful, way prettier than Sarah, but in a different way. It was really strange, but she seemed almost too pretty. And the guy with her was really big (as in built) but looked like someone I would see on the reservation: black hair, tanned skin. It was an odd sight, but I didn't say anything.

I tried to gather a little bit of information today and all I could get out of Grandpa was "It's worse than the Cullens because one of ours is with them. It's just wrong." I assumed he met the dark one. "What's more, I have on good account that there are five of them with that Hybrid too. And even more, Jacob said they would keep a close watch on 'the one in training'." Jacob? I'm pretty sure that would be the dark one. It was all confusing. Grandpa was just frustrated. I let it go.

XoXo Jennifer Heartly


	4. January 15th La Push Bonfire

January 15h

Dear Journal,

Another day of school today but what a weekend! Sarah invited me to go a bonfire at the beach with some others from school last night. It was really fun, though the boy-pack kept staring as always. I do have this funny feeling they were staring at Jason, not me. We seem to get along real well so we were hanging out quite a bit.

About half and hour of talking, I finally asked him why they were staring. All he said was "I don't know. I try not to think about it. Hopefully I'll never be sitting over with them staring...if I'm lucky." Then he turned the conversation around. We learned a lot about each other, and his family. I was even able to sneak some info about the Wolfes out of him.

"I know I'm new and stuff but do the elders always talk nonsense? My grandpa goes on and on about the legends and those people, the Wolfes," I mentioned.

"Yeah, our tribe seems pretty much obsessed with the legends but I don't know why. They all seem kind of overrated to me," he answered, but I could tell he was trying not to say it too loud.

"And the Wolfes? I saw them the other day and one of them looked like a Quileute..." I inquired, a bit unsure of myself. I didn't want to see like I was prying or stupid.

"Oh them...yeah, Jacob is..." he glanced at the boy-pack then away. I knew he wasn't going to tell me the truth. He started to continue, avoid the truth with a lie so I stopped him.

"Don't. I know we don't know each other that well yet. I don't want you to tell me anything you don't want to...or any lies you have to fabricate to hide what you don't want to say," I simply said. He seemed to appreciate that, but at the same time, pained that he couldn't share something. It seems like people have to hide a lot in La Push.

What I've learned about my new friend Jason is: he's into extreme sports (anything from surfing to sky diving), he likes all kinds of music except things that remind him of Quileute Folk music, he hates romantic comedies and the classics, he doesn't understand make-up, he wants to move to California (and was jealous I had lived there), his dream is to be in the X-Games, his family is some weird shunned legacy and he always been single.

I told him the same kind of stuff: my favorite music, books and movies being pretty close to his, that I wanted to be a photojournalist like my father, my hobbies (photography being at the top, followed by "time wasting activities"), that I only had a shallow understanding of make-up (as any girl looking at me could tell) and that I had been single for most of my life (except that little fling at summer camp when I was 8, but that was hardly a real relationship).

Sarah is really nice too, like I've said before. Jason told me a little about her, mostly just said that she is way overly humble and sweet and that she has sworn to never date a guy living in Washington. She has really big dreams about becoming a missionary and working over seas. Jason doesn't seem to have much confidence in her, but I think she would be great.

I know it's still only the first week I've lived here, but I really think I have a shot at having a close friendship with Sarah and Jason. I would like to make some friends outside of La Push (for diversity you know) but Granny says there are "better friends" in the reservation. Reminds me of segregation.

XoXo Jennifer Heartly


	5. January 18th The Wolfes

January 18h

Dear Journal,

So far this week has been good: I'm doing fine with the schoolwork and I even hung out with Jason and Sarah yesterday after school. Today I went into Forks by myself. Mom said, "once was enough for a while", I don't know why. I never thought she was so much like Granny and Gramps. I was looking for a job; I figured that would be a good thing to have to save up for college. I know there are places to work in La Push but I seriously don't want my whole life to be on the reservation.

I applied to a few places (Wal-Mart, a cafe and this hardware store). They were all accepting applications so hopefully one of them will think I'm perfect for the job. After applying at the cafe, I sat down for some lunch there: a tasty hamburger with yummy blueberry cobbler. But what made this meal notable was the table next to me.

I was sitting near the back of the restaurant and in the corner next to me was the Wolfes. There were four of them this time. The Quileute Jacob and his redhead wife (Nessie? But I think it's a nickname or something), the hot strawberry blonde (who I found out is named Caden) and a girl who was just as beautiful (if not more) than the redhead. She had jet black hair and porcelain skin with the same Topaz eyes (they called her Whitney). Gosh, they must have some GREAT genes in their family.

They talked quietly for the most part, but Jacob was right behind me; I heard just about everything he said: "The Quileutes are nervous about us coming back. I can understand why; just look at me."

"They really shouldn't worry," 'Nessie' seemed to try to comfort him. "Things ended up with my family just fine. They should know this is one of the safest places for us."

"I'm going to go talk to Sam, try to work things out. I know he's going to want the truce again if only because of me," Jacob resolved. Sam? Daniel's grandfather?

"That and the fact Cade here still gets urges. Couldn't we figure out another way to..." Whitney had begun to accuse. Gosh, she was no sweetie pie. But 'urges'?

"Whitney, don't pick on Caden. You were much worse when you came to us," Nessie interrupted her.

"Yeah, I didn't go slaughter a whole Ukrainian village when I was first turned," Caden finally spoke. My reaction to this was two-fold: first, his voice was super sexy; second, slaughter of a whole village?!?!

"Stop that!" Jacob commanded, perhaps a little too loud. He lowered his voice and continued. "The past is the past. You can never change what's been done, but you can control what happens. Don't bring it up again, either of you."

In hushed tones they kept talking, but it was hard to hear now, Jacob was eating and so he didn't talk much anymore. Suddenly, it seemed like all that vampire nonsense actually made sense. But that couldn't be. Still, I knew I had heard things I shouldn't have.

When I got up to leave, my eye caught Jacob and he looked really distraught that I was there. I guess he could tell that I was Quileute. I left and decided to walk around the little area where the cafe was (there were some shops and stuff) and that was when I knew I was in trouble for eavesdropping.

I was looking at the racks outside of a used bookstore, just across the street from the restaurant when someone came up behind me. I wasn't sure if they were shopping too or...I turned around to look and the strawberry blonde – Caden – was behind me. I was really scared. If they were vampires, I was sure he had come to suck my blood for hearing their conversation. But he didn't, thank God!

"You were sitting behind us in the cafe," he said. It wasn't a question, it was a statement. Still I nodded my in confirmation. "What you heard...uh, what did you hear?" He inquired. I saw his hands ball up into fists. I glanced behind him to see the other three waiting by a rather nice car. All of there eyes watching him.

"I promise I won't say anything. I mean, I'm sure what I heard was nothing," I tried to excuse myself. But I knew that I would tell someone. I was so lost here, there was so much I didn't understand and I wanted answers.

"I know you're lying," he seemed to growl. He glanced over his shoulder and relaxed. He took a few deep (but seemingly empty) breaths. "I guess it can't be helped. You're only human." I wanted to say 'and you aren't?' but was afraid of what he might answer.

"I know I shouldn't have, can you tell your family I'm sorry. They just say things on the reservation about you and..." I stopped when I noticed him smirk, holding in a laugh.

"So they do talk about us? Well, it's nice to be remembered." This threw me off guard. It lined up with things Grandpa had said about them 'coming back'. "I'm not doing a very good job," he sighed.

"What...?" I asked, not excepting an answer. I looked over his shoulder and saw the redhead whispering to Jacob. My attention fell back to Caden when he took a step closer. He took a deep breath, like he smelled, inhaling some forbidden drug. He placed a hand on my shoulder and I froze.

"Caden," a stern, female voice said and I quickly realized that somehow, 'Nessie' was right next to him. He seemed to snap out of some kind of hypnosis. They shared a quick glance. The redhead's eyes looked like they were trying to be encouraging, but not at all confident. Caden dropped his hand from me and looked down as if disappointed in himself. He walked quickly to their car, mumbling curses as he went. "Excuse Caden, he's just trying to...improve his people skills."

"Of course," I simply mumbled. My confused eyes watched him walk away.

"We know you meant no harm. It's natural to want to find out more about a family everyone is talking about," she said. Her words were kind like a mother's and well thought out. "What is your name, please?" she inquired gently.

"Jennifer Heartly," I replied quickly without thinking.

"Jenny, I'm Renesemee Wolfe, you've met Caden. The others are my husband Jacob and our...daughter Whitney," she introduced swiftly but smoothly. I was intrigued that she knew to call me 'Jenny' and that she hesitated to call Whitney her daughter. "Please tell Sam Uley that Jacob will be coming tomorrow night. Tell him we only want peace between us and we are willing to accept any truce."

"Okay...but you could just call and tell him right..." I began to offer, not wanting to have any part in this strange exchange.

"No, it needs to be from you," she said sternly, then softened with a smile, which seemed to be a farewell. She turned and took a few steps away before looking back and saying, "and please tell him Caden is trying." A few moments later they had all left.

It's amazing I could remember it all, but it's not something you can forget easily I suppose. Plus, Mom always did say I had a good memory. When I got back, I couldn't make myself go talk to Mr. Uley. So I told Grandpa. He was really worried that I had spoken to them, even threatened not to let me go to Forks again (not that I'd listen). Sam was at our home a few minutes later. I hid in my room. The were really quiet but super tense. I could feel it.

In fact, all the elders are over at the Uley's now having some sort of meeting about it. Tomorrow, Jacob is coming.

XoXo Jennifer Heartly


	6. January 19th At the Black's

January 19h

Dear Journal,

This is so weird! I am completely freaking out! So Sarah and Jason have been telling me to come over anytime, really nice of them, right? Well, after I finished my schoolwork I finally thought we were good enough friends that I could 'go over anytime'. So I did. When I started walking down their driveway, I saw Jason waiting outside; waiting for someone, but not me. At first I felt stupid, what if he had a date or something?

He gave me a nervous smile when he saw me. "Hey Jenny," he said when I was close enough.

"Is this a bad time?" I was going to shot myself if it was, so embarrassing! I'm sure he could tell that's what I was feeling too.

"No, no," Jason was quick to say, perhaps a little too quick. "It's great to see you, though Sarah's not home right now..." he gave a nervous glance down the road. No one was there.

"Oh, it just seems like you're waiting for someone," I told him. I hated to be rude, Granny Franny would have a fit. She always says manners are important.

"Yeah, I am, but some company would be nice while I wait." I was surprised when he took my hand and very politely led me to a set of rocking chairs. Mom had told me that everyone treats you like family in La Push, with hugs and stuff, I just wasn't used to the physical contact. We sat down and had small talk while we wait. I mostly just joked around, trying to ease Jason's nerves.

He seemed to have relaxed a lot. In fact, we had even started to play that slapping game where you trying to slap the other persons hand before they moved it away. But we only played a few moments before Jason's eyes were diverted. I turned and was surprised to see none other than Jacob Wolfe walking towards us.

"Jacob..." I whispered. Would La Push ever stop throwing these kinds of surprises on me?

Jason turned quickly to look at me as we stood. "How do you know Jacob?" he asked, but it was more defensive than curious. I didn't have time to answer.

"Hey Jason. How is my great-great-neph..." and then Jacob saw me and stopped talking. "Ah, Jennifer Heartly, the eavesdropper," he greeted me with a smirk. I was about to begin apologizing again when he put a hand up, seemingly unconcerned. And what was with all the greats? Wait, nephew!? "Interesting you would be here," he added.

An old trucked turned into the driveway and I was well aware of whom it was before I could see the face: Sam Uley. I was confused. Why were they coming to the Black's home? Jacob turned to face Sam as the older man got out of his truck. Things were really tense, I could feel it in the air.

Jason took my hand, which comforted me, as he leaned closer to whisper something to me. "Maybe you should go," he said gently, I turned to look at him, his face inches from mine. Go? Every time I was close to getting answers I had to leave. "I'll see you at school tomorrow," he said to me and his tone told me that he wouldn't leave me in the dark.

I said goodbye silently and gave a few glances to Jacob and Sam. I didn't understand a thing, but I went home as quickly as I could.

XoXo Jennifer Heartly


	7. January 20th Jason Tells Some

January 20h

Dear Journal,

So today I met Jason at some diner in La Push. He explained a lot, not everything, but a lot. We sat together at the smallest, most out of the way table; he didn't want anyone else to hear. I'm sure people got the wrong idea. He said he couldn't say why they were meeting because he didn't really know. But they were meeting at his house because Jacob is his uncle. He had only seen him a few times before because Jacob's family wasn't welcome on the reservation.

He also said that Jacob and Sam were good friends back in the day, which confused me because Jacob couldn't be a day over 24 and Sam had to be at least 70. When I asked why Jacob's family wasn't welcome, Jason said that it went "way back" and that is was just Quileute superstitions. That's when I said the wrong thing:

"Superstitions? Grandpa talks as if they are some sort of monster, but they didn't seem like mass-murders when I met them." Oops.

"You met them?" Jason asked, stunned at my confession. Granny had told me not to tell a soul. "Jenny, I may not agree with the legends, but they aren't good people. Jacob even told me that he would prefer I stay out of their way for a while." Jacob had said that? Maybe he just wanted to protect his nephew but still...

"I..." I sighed and looked down at my plate. I had eaten only about half of my lunch. "There is just so much I don't get. Everyone just talks in riddles and stuff. It's frustrating, you know? With Grandpa and Granny being so...weird about stuff and all these stupid legends. Life was so much better in L.A.." I think that last bit hurt him, at least, it seemed like there was a bit of sting in his eyes when I said it.

"Yeah, I know we're weird," he joked and I couldn't help but laugh.

"Just a bit."

"I don't know everything either. Why they stare and what's up with Jacob's family. But you just learn to accept it and not ask questions."

"I can't help but be curious. Nothing's normal and it's stupid." He didn't respond for while, just picked at his food. Even though things were a bit silent, I was glad I had someone to talk to, to rant to. But it was weird; I had only known him a little while.

After we finished up he dropped me off at home. Granny kept making comments about 'That nice boy, Jason' and Grandpa just mutter about 'bad roots'.

In other news, I got a job! It's at the small cafe where I saw the Wolfes, which is a little strange and will probably keep me paranoid for a while. I'll be working Friday and Saturday afternoons (starting next week) trying to get that whole waitress thing down. I've gotta say, I almost hope that the Wolfes come in again. I feel almost ashamed to say it, but I want to know what else I could find out by eavesdropping some more.

Oh. I forgot. Last night I had this weird dream. I don't know what it means, I can't even remember it all, except that we suddenly had a pet wolf and Caden was in my room. Ah, forget it. Nevermind.

XoXo Jennifer Heartly


	8. January 26th Second Day of Work

January 26h

Dear Journal,

I worked yesterday – my first day – and really got the hang of it. My supervisor, Kelly, said that I would have it down in no time. The only thing I have to work on is the menu, memorizing it and stuff so when people ask questions I have the answers. And I don't have the shorthand down all the way; still have to write out the words. Kelly said it just takes practice.

The Wolfes didn't come yesterday.

But Jason and Sarah did. I don't know how they got out (well, Sarah said they just asked but I doubt that's the case). A lot of people seemed to think it was weird having them there, being Quileute and all. Most people don't know I have that kind of heritage from my hair but when you look like them, it's pretty obvious.

They didn't stay long, which is understandable. I worked from 4 till 11, which is quite a while, and it got late. I wasn't tired but it was creepy driving back to La Push. I felt like someone was watching me or something. Whatever, I got home safe. Not like I expected to be attack or anything.

So I worked this afternoon 10 to 3. That's when the Wolfes came, well, just Caden and I thought that was weird. I know that I don't believe all that vampy stuff but if there was one of them that would be 'in training' it would be him. Ah! I don't even know what to think about what happened! I'd actually rather not think about it but if I write it down maybe it will stop haunting me.

Anyways, he sat at one of the tables outside, and it was FREEZING, I mean, there was snow on the ground and everything. But he was just fine. I went out and asked him if he wanted anything. He kind of stared at me, almost like he was embarrassed then said no and pulled out a book. Kelly was worried. It's strange how even the people in Forks are kinda creeped-out by the Wolfes.

He stayed around for about an hour until my shift was over. I had grabbed a coffee to keep my hands warm and went out the front door to go to my car when he stopped me. "Could I talk to you for a minute?" he asked. I didn't want to say yes but I wasn't going to say no so I just sat down rather cautiously.

"I know Jacob and Ness are probably freak'n right now but...I didn't want them around. I just wanted to apologize," he said. But to be honest, I was still in the dark. Maybe I was too naive.

"Apologize? Shouldn't I be the one..."

"No, I shouldn't have...I try really hard to...control myself but for some reason it's not that easy. I'm new to this and all. Whitney is confident I'm going to snap soon," he said, not looking at me in the eyes.

"I don't understand. Control? What is going on?" I just asked, frustrated more than ever. Everyone talked as if I knew what was going on and so I never knew what was going on! And yes, it's just as confusing as that sentence.

"That's probably for better. Let's just leave it at my family is vegetarian and I'm used to having a lot of meat," he confessed. I was still confused, and I'm pretty sure he knew it but didn't want to say more. Hadn't I seen Jacob eating pork-chops the other day at the cafe?

"Caden..." I began to try to explain my frustration and confusion but he cut me off.

"Jenny, you don't have to understand. Just let it go." It was weird hearing him speak my name. It made me uncomfortable. I hesitated before standing.

"I should go," I simply said. He looked a little disappointed but understanding. He nodded and turned. I felt guilty letting it end like that. "Wait!" I said quickly, grabbing his hand to get his attention. His hand was colder than ice. "You're hand, it's..." he pulled his hand away.

"It's nothing, I'm used to it," he said defensively.

"Here, take my coffee, warm up your hands." I shoved my Styrofoam cup into his hands. He smiled like I was a little kid playing some stupid game. I smiled back, unsure of myself. "I hear that it's best not to go cold turkey when changing a diet. Maybe a little bit of indulgent would help the change," I offered. It was pathetic and uncomfortable but I said it anyways.

"Thanks for the advice," he replied with a broad, award-winning smile, but I knew he wasn't going to take my advice. He turned, holding the coffee cup in his hands to walk away. I saw him sniff the coffee up but not drink. I went to my car and drove home. I had even more questions now.

XoXo Jennifer Heartly


	9. February 1st Flirtting with Death

February 1st

Dear Journal,

This week has been pretty normal. Life seems to be getting normal here...almost. I still have a BAZILLION questions that no one seems to want to answer. So I've stopped bringing them up. I guess there are some things you have to figure out on your own. A group of people from my school are going to see a movie in Port Angeles tonight.

Jason invited me to come too but I have to work. I think he was hoping I was going to be able to go. I wish I could, but I can't ask off my second week of work, right? So he asked what I was doing tomorrow and I said "nothing after three" and he invited me to go see a movie with him then. I was a little suspicious. "Like a...date?" I inquired.

He blushed like it was suppose to be a date but was embarrassed that I was a little unsure about the whole thing. "No, no, Sarah would probably come too, I'm sure," he added. I'll admit I almost wish he would have said, "Yes, exactly like a date" but guys these days seem to have security issues. Well, I'm sure it will be fun with or without Sarah. I have to jet off to work now but don't consider the February 1st entry complete! I'll jot down some more afterwards.

February 1st – 1 am

Dear Journal,

Just when I thought my week was going to be completely normal...well, let's just say this job at the cafe is turning out to be more than I signed up for. Everything was going pretty well until it was almost closing. A bunch of drunks came in; it made me really nervous but Kelly is the strong type and told them to get out or she would call the police.

They left quickly enough, but not without making some rude remarks to us. I hoped that was the end, and Kelly told me it was. She said that group migrated around Forks and sometimes ended up at the cafe, but she had learned to deal with them. Well, that may be all good for her but I was new to all of this.

I left a bit before closing – Kelly said it was alright – and went to the car. It was kind of dark but I figured it wouldn't be a problem, even though it was almost 11pm. I was looking through my purse for my keys when I heard some laughing come up from behind the restaurant. It was those drunkards. I tried to play it cool, got my keys and my cell phone out of my purse and unlocked my car.

They saw me just as I was opening the car door and yelled some things I'd rather not repeat. I just ignored them, even though my heart was racing. I got in the car and started to close the door when a rock flew threw the back windshield and shattered it. I put the keys in the ignition and tried to start the engine, but it wouldn't go!

Oh, I thought I was going to die right then and there. I grabbed my phone, heart pounding so loud I couldn't hear, trying to dial 911. Another rock shattered the mirror on the car door and I dropped the phone from surprise. It was a nightmare; I wish I had been dreaming. I heard their drunk laughing getting closer and I was just praying "please God, please" over and over again, trying to get my phone.

There was a pounding on my window and I jerked up, frozen to see one of them – the biggest one – standing right there. He was angry and just kept pounding. I screamed and tried to climb to the other side to get out of the car and run. I figured I would be in the papers the next morning.

Then the real surprise came – that was only drama. I heard something hit the driver window of my car hard, like a head or something. I turned to look and just as I did that big drunkard's body just flew away, like it disappeared or something. That really freaked me out. Then I heard him scream and saw him hung up in a tree.

I froze. I couldn't move. Soon they were all disappearing and reappearing in the trees. I thought whatever was going after them was going to get me soon so I made my legs move and opened the passenger door. I started to run as fast as I could, tears of fear blurring my vision. I looked behind me to see nothing and then I ran into something and I think I fainted.

I woke up a few seconds later in this really nice car (I would tell you the model but I really don't know that much about cars) a few blocks away from the cafe. I sat up quickly, but the speed of my rising made my head hurt. "Are you okay?" someone said, and I recognized the voice. I turned to see Caden in the drivers seat, his expression a chaotic mix of emotions. Most of all, his face was concerned and frightened, the same as mine I assumed.

"No..." I mumbled. Then I shook my head. "No! What...what happened? Why...When...?" I couldn't think straight enough to form words.

"Just a bunch of dirty drunks. Guess they picked on the wrong girl, right?" he asked, I could tell he was trying to be comforting but it wasn't working.

"Caden, how did you...you know..." I started as my hand trying to slyly make it's way to the door's handle. I didn't feel safe anymore; in fact, Caden seemed to feel more like a threat now.

"Please don't be scared. I promise they aren't hurt, well maybe a bump or two but they deserved that much," he told me. His hand started to reach out but pulled back quickly.

"I need to get home," I said blatantly and opened the door to get out.

"Not in that old junker back there. I check, your battery is dead." He had checked out my car? What sort of creeper was he? "I can give you a ride though and have your car fixed in time for work tomorrow." That didn't stop me. I still continued to get out. I was positive no matter how I got home, it wasn't going to be with him.

His hand grabbed mine, cold as ice and smooth as marble. "Jenny, please. You're not gonna _walk_ home after that are you?" he said persuasively. Caden was right; I wasn't that brave. I sat back down.

"You should warm up your hands, you'll catch pneumonia," I told him, taking my hand out of his to turn up the heat only to find it was already blasting as much as it could. I looked back at him confused.

"My hands don't warm up well," he simply said. "I always have cold hands." Cold, like ice, like death. Like the vampires Grandpa was always talking about in those crazy stories. He put the car into drive. "I'll take you home now."

"In La Push?" I said abruptly, more of my grandfather's comments coming to me. He looked at me a bit surprised by my sudden question.

"Isn't that where you live?"

"Yes but...isn't there a border or something you guys aren't suppose to cross. Grandpa seemed pretty serious about some sort of treaty and Renesmee even said that..." I began to babble. If he took me home, that would have to be over the border-thing and I didn't want anyone getting in trouble.

"Yeah, but it's only breaking the rules if they know they've been broken," Cade smiled, seemingly thrilled about having to sneak into La Push. "Plus, it's almost midnight. Don't grandparents usually tuck in about 8:30?"

"I guess it is the most convenient and irresponsibly teenager like thing we could do," I replied, rolling my eyes at the stereotypical situation.

"Exactly," he responded, pleased with how I had assessed the circumstances. We drove on in silence for a few minutes. I noticed he was going pretty fast but didn't really care to see how fast. We were already breaking Quileute rules, why not the law as well?

"What's with your family and the Quileutes? The way I've heard things, you're sworn enemies. But that's a little harsh," I inquired and expressed my opinion. Maybe I was being too bold but I had already flirted with death, I might as well get some answers now.

"You could say we are. It's hard to explain. I don't get it all the way. As for my coven, we are just trying to work things out between us," Caden explained simply. Almost too simply, but at least I had half an answer: why the Wolfes were complying.

"Wait, coven? As in..." I began to asked, but suddenly wished I hadn't. He looked over at me as if I was about to say something right, but also something that would pain him to hear. "Won't your family be worried that you're out alone? They seemed like they wanted to watch you pretty closely the other day."

Caden laughed at the way I had changed the subject. "Yeah, they are going to be pretty pissed at me, but we're doing irresponsible things tonight, right? Might as well add that to the list," he joked, not having a problem with the idea.

"Why?"

"What?" he simply said, confused by my question.

"I know I'm asking a lot of questions, but seriously, why do they want to watch you so much. I know you said something about "vegetarian" or whatever the other day but I don't get that either."

"Let's just say that they are worried if I'm out by myself that there will be tons of bloody, dead...cows in the morning," Caden replied, at first quickly as in jest and then hesitantly.

"Cade, are you...is that really the truth?"

He didn't look at me, he just kept driving. "No, it's not," was he said. I was bubbling with frustration inside. Why was everyone always lying to me, telling half-truths and keeping me in the dark? It was too much to bear.

"Well, you got that lying teenager thing down pretty well," I harshly responded, crossing my arms. He didn't seem to mind, in fact, he acted like he deserved the accusation.

Suddenly we were in front of my home. I started to open my door to get out, but before I could even blink Caden was there opening the door for me. I got out of the car, bewildered but I didn't speak. He was blocking the path to my home so I stood still.

"Thanks for breaking the rules with me. Makes me feel normal," the strawberry blonde said to me. I swear he might have blushed but no color flooded his cheeks; they were porcelain white as always.

"Anytime," I told him, but I didn't mean it. Before I reached the steps to the door, he was gone. Crazy night, right? Gosh, it was so insane. I don't know what to think anymore! Thank goodness that no one saw us. Even if I have no clue why they need a border-treaty-thing, I know it wouldn't have been good for them to know he had crossed it. The one thing that haunts me the most: the dead cows.

XoXo Jennifer Heartly


	10. February 2nd The Almost First

February 2nd

Dear Journal,

Compared to last night, tonight was a dream! Work went fine, no problems what so ever, even some tips! And tonight I went to Port Angeles with Jason. When he came to pick me up I asked where Sarah was and all he said was "she wanted to stay home" but his smile told me _he _wanted her to stay home and I was okay with that. I needed someone normal like Jason in my new life. We drove to the theater chatting away about nothing at all. He asked how work had gone the previous night. I hesitated and he noticed.

"Did something happen?" he inquired further, now certain something was wrong. I liked the caring look in his eyes.

"Not really, I mean..." '_Should I tell him about Cade?'_ I thought but knew there was no way. "...we had some problems with some drunks but Kelly took care of it pretty quickly."

"Well, that's good." Jason sighed, and I knew he wasn't convinced.

At the theater he insisted on not only buying my ticket but soda and popcorn too. I didn't mind. It was like a real date, one that normal teenagers have. I was surprised I had never decided to go on one before! Oh wait, you actually have to have a guy to do that.

Anyways, we saw this horror/adventure movie. I wasn't really scared but I did get a bit squeamish. Jason put his arm around him the first time and it didn't move after that so I leaned against him for most of the movie.

The think that really bothered me was that the monster in the movie was vampire. He looked like death and slept in a coffin and was really stereotypical – the complete opposite of Cade in fact! But he had super strength and could throw people so far...even up into a tree on one occasion.

After the movie ended, Jason took my hand as we stood up. It seemed he had gotten quite confident after our "horror-movie snuggling". He could see I was a little caught off guard and let go, but he didn't look discouraged. On the drive back in Jason's jeep we had more meaningless conversation. I was through asking him questions, might as well let us have a normal relationship.

This is where it gets exciting and a little creepy.

First the exciting. When he pulled into Grandpa's driveway I was about to open the door and say goodbye but he grabbed my hand so I froze and looked over at him. Jason had braced himself with his other arm against the head cushion of my seat. He leaned forward like he was going to kiss me and I so would have kissed him back.

It's not like I think I'm 'in love' or anything, but I have really begun to like Jason a lot. He may still not be #1 hottest guy in La Push, but he has other qualities that get him a spot much better. So I was already for him to kiss me, I closed my eyes, just waiting for my first kiss when

BAM! Something big slammed on the top of the jeep. We were both really startled. Jason told me to stay in the vehicle while he checked it out but I didn't listen. We both got out and looked up to see nothing. Jason climbed up and I heard him say, "what the heck? There's a dent in the roof!"

I was just weird, you know? Like someone was watching and didn't like that we were about to kiss. What's more, it ruined the mode. When Jason came back down, he said just as much. "Better luck next time, I guess? See you at school, Jen." That was that.

I'm still creeped-out about the whole...BAM! thing. I'll be surprised if I don't have nightmares.

XoXo Jennifer Heartly


	11. February 5th Creeper

February 5th

Dear Journal,

Good day of school today. I sat with Jason and Sarah and their friends. Jason is so cute; he acts like I don't know he likes me or something. Afterwards I went over to his house to study. Sarah kept saying, "aw, you guys are adorable" and stuff like that when he would put an arm around me or 'accidentally' touch my hand to show me something. Hopefully he will put the cute, romantic stuff off until we don't have an audience.

After that I went home, I still had some studying to do but I was tired so I thought it would be nice to take a nap before dinner. It was 4:30 so I figured I could take a half-hour nap and still have enough time to finish up English before the crock-pot meal was done.

Grandpa had the heat on, so even though it was still freezing outside, I was comfortable without a blanket so I just lied down and feel asleep. I don't remember my dreams, I rarely do. It didn't seem like I had been sleeping long when I suddenly got really cold, I mean icy cold like someone had dropped a bucket of snow on me.

I snapped my eyes opened and rolled over. I could have sworn I had my body pillow right next to me (I'd been leaning on it while I slept), but the pillow was at the foot of my bed. My head snapped up when I saw something move by the window, but they weren't fast enough. I think they wanted me to see them.

"Cade?" I gasped, trying not to believe my eyes. He had crossed the border in broad daylight? He was in my room? Wait, I was freezing, had he been next to me while I slept? "What are you doing here?!" I demanded, trying to keep my voice low as I got up and stomped over to him.

"I just wanted to see you, bed head," he told me with a mischievous smile and a innocent snicker. His hand brushed the hair out of my face but I push his arm away.

"You can't just sneak over treaty-borders and into sleeping girls' rooms!" I told him, he just rolled his eyes.

"I'm all about breaking the rules, you should know: you broke them with me," he said. I wish he wouldn't joke so much. I needed straight responses. He could see I didn't think this was funny and his face dropped to a frown. "Jenny, look I'm sorry about 'breaking and entering' and all that it's just so hard!"

A bit softened by his honesty I backed up until my knees hit the bed and then I sat down. He walked over to me, my eyes still glaring but it took some effort now. "Hard? Cade, you've got to be making things hard for yourself."

"Maybe, I mean, after last Friday Jacob and Ness got really mad. They grounded me to the house, like house arrest or something. It was terrible, being locked up like some animal. I had to get out, I didn't know where else to go that they wouldn't find me!"

I sighed. I understood what he meant, but this was still so weird. "You're kind of a creeper, Caden. You know that, right?" I told him, half-joking. He smiled, though I'm sure he didn't know I really thought that. He came and sat down beside me, leaning back on his elbows. I tensed up, drawing my arms in to hug myself.

I heard him sigh deeply, that empty sort of sound again. "It feels good to feel normal," he muttered. I didn't answer. Maybe I was being too judgmental. No, that couldn't be; he really should have at least called or something. Then again, I would probably have done the exact same thing: ran away to Jason's house. He wouldn't have minded me just showing up.

"Just call next time, that's a normal thing too," I told him with a smile, my arms still holding me tight. A chill ran down my spine from the open window but I didn't want to have to lean over him to get a blanket.

I felt his weight shift but didn't need to look back at him to know he was watching me. Suddenly, warmth spread over me as his arms placed a blanket over my shoulders. I pulled the blanket around to cover me completely as I felt his hands slide down my arms.

He was now sitting somewhat behind and beside me. I turned to see what was going on with him and our faces were too close for comfort. I looked down to avoid his gaze. I heard him take a deep breath, that same empty sniffing sort of breath. Even with the blanket, I shivered.

I felt his face against my hair, smelling it. His arms gently rubbed my shoulders. I had the strangest mixture of feelings; it was like I felt utter fright and curious desire at the same time and that scared me all the more. I looked up at him, but his face didn't moved from where it had been. I could hear him breathing but didn't feel his breath on my lips.

"Jenny..." he whispered and began to tilt his head forward. This wasn't what I wanted my first kiss to be, but somehow I didn't want to stop him. I don't know how I found the will to speak before his lips touched mine.

"Cade, why did you jump on Jason's jeep the other night?" I asked. He growled in response, letting go of my arms and swinging his legs over to sit on the side of the bed beside me. He was silent and still as a statue. "It was you, wasn't it?" I was sterner this time.

"Yeah, it was me," he confessed. I didn't have to ask 'why' again. "Sometimes my temper gets the better of me. I didn't want him to...you know, it just wasn't right." He looked like a child who knew they had been found out for stealing cookies.

"I think it should be my choice to decide if it's right or not," I told him. Having built up courage, I reached out from under the blanket and took his hand in mine. His topaz eyes lit up. He leaned towards me again, but this time it was mom who interrupted him.

Knock, knock, knock! "Dinner's ready, Jenny!" she said and then I heard her walk away. I stood up to go to the door but remembered Cade still held my hand. I turned back towards him and he caressed my face gently.

"Maybe next time," he said with an odd sort of victorious smirk and then he was gone. Out the window I presume.

How do I end that? Dinner was fine. We had some weird Quileute-style crock-pot meal with rolls? I feel so confused (as always but this is different). I _know_, _positively know_ that I want to be with Jason. But when Cade is around, I dunno. It's so strange, it's like he seduces me or something. I know that sounds stupid but when he's not here, I want to be with Jason. When he is here, I forget everything but him.

XoXo Jennifer Heartly


	12. February 9th Wonderful but Haunting

February 9th

Dear Journal,

I haven't seen Cade all week, not since Tuesday but I know he's there. Sometimes I'll wake up in the middle of the night, really cold and the window will be just a little open. Sometimes it creeps me out, knowing that in the middle of the night he comes and lies beside me. Sometimes, I don't mind the idea of having someone's arms around me while I sleep.

Jason and I went on another date tonight (he actually called it a date too). This time we ate at the diner and then went bowling at some little cheep bowling alley in Forks. It was crowded both places but we had a lot of fun. It was cute how he would put his arms around me to show me the "right way to bowl".

We didn't get home until about 10:30. Grandpa and Granny were in bed already; mom was watching a C.S.I. episode. When we got to the house, Jason did his move to try and kiss me again. I was hoping he would. But then I remembered Cade. I knew he was probably watching. "Let's go inside," I suggested. Jason was surprised by didn't argue.

Inside my greeted us warmly. She asked the usual questions about our date and then excused herself to finish the T.V. show in her room. On her way down the hall I heard her say, "Grandpa will be please".

Inside the living room, I eyed the open windows cautiously. I wondered again if Caden was watching. Jason got my attention back when I felt his hand brush an out-of-place strand of hair from my face. I turned to look at him. He was really nervous I could tell. I tried to be smooth as I wrapped my arms around his neck.

He leaned closer and I closed my eyes, waiting for his lips to touch mine. Finally, they did and it was a wave of emotion like I had never felt. His fingers mingled with my hair while his other hand pulled me closer. After a few moments we both broke away with silly smiles on our faces.

I reached up to kiss him again when there was an abrupt knock on the door. Caden. I knew it had to be him. I went to the door, Jason following close behind me, still holding my hand. When I opened the door no one was there. Jason wasn't as worried as me. I felt him kiss my neck and I squirmed surprised with the door still open.

"It's late," I said, but it wasn't a rude sort of 'time for you to get out' sort of statement. It was a statement that said 'let's finish this on a good note'. He leaned forward and gave me a quick but passionate kiss and then was out the door.

I watched him until he drove away, hoping Cade would leave him alone. Then I went to bed to have the most wonderful but haunting dreams.

XoXo Jennifer Heartly


	13. February 10th Vampire's Kiss

February 10th

Dear Journal,

My life is complicated! It's like I'm in some big dramatic soap opera! Last night was really dramatic. I don't understand how Cade can keep coming in my room when 1) I'm asleep and 2) my grandparents and mom are home! Its tempting fate.

Last night I woke up cold, as usual, but this time Caden didn't run away. He stayed where he was. When I opened my eyes, I was ashamed to see that I had been resting with half my body on his. I thought he would have been pleased but he looked thoughtful, almost agitated.

"Cade..."I moaned, rolling off of him. I stared at the ceiling; he didn't say a word. It worried me. Before he had always had some witty reply to everything I said. He just said nothing. I rolled to my side, propping my head up with my arm. He stared ahead. His eyes seemed to be black as the night sky. It must have been the shadows.

"Caden, were you...were you watching me and Jason last night?" I asked. I would feel terrible if he had.

"Yeah," he finally said reluctantly. I reached out a hand and took his hand in my own, trying to comfort him, somehow feeling guilty. He took my hand and pulled it to his face. I tried to pull away as he sniffed my wrist, my veins.

"Cade, you're hurting my wrist!" I told him, pulling with all my might as his grip tightened.

"I'm so thirsty, Jenny. You said it's good to indulge, right?" he said, turning his head to look at me. He was a monster. Unable to moved, his weight pressed me against the bed as I felt his teeth pierce my neck...

Creepy, huh? It was my DREAM. I was scared out of my mind when I woke up. What's more, Caden was there, like in my dream. And like in my dream I was resting on his chest. When I jerked awake, sweating and shaking.

"Jenny? What's wrong?" he asked, truly concerned. He sat up against the bed board, his hands stroking my arms to calm me. For a few moments I wanted to scream, fearing he would hurt me. I looked up anxiously at his face to see his brow furrowed over his topaz eyes. I knew he wasn't a monster...at least not right now.

"Caden..." I simply whimpered and he pulled me to his chest. He held me close and kissed my head, waiting for my silent tears to run out. "I was so afraid. You were..." I felt his whole body tense and he froze for a moment.

"Jenny? Why were you afraid of...of me?" He asked as he tilted my head up to see his.

"A monster," I muttered, looking down. I couldn't make eye contact; I knew my dream would hurt him. "You had black eyes, blacker than I've ever seen and...you were...you..." I couldn't continue. I didn't know if it was the tears and sobs or the fear that stopped me. He seemed to understand. He looked away when I looked at him again.

"Cade, it was just a dream, right?" I pleaded.

"Maybe," he replied softly and I drew away from him a bit.

"Maybe? What are you saying?" My tears had dried up and my sobs had disappeared. He looked at me with pain in his eyes. I knew what he was going to say before the words left his mouth, but I didn't want to believe it.

"Jenny, I'm a..."

"Don't say it," I told him, then mouth 'please' to him. I didn't want those legends to be true. I wanted a normal life, not all this drama and horror and superstition. I wished that dad was still alive and we were stilling living in California.

So he said nothing. I rested against his chest. It felt strange that I was suddenly so comfortable with him, now that I knew the truth for certain. It began to bring up all sorts of questions about the legends, the werewolves in particular. I blocked them out. Lying there with Caden holding me suddenly made me remember Jason.

I rolled off of Cade, his hand still held one of mine. I ignored it. "Did you see us last night? Me and Jason?" I inquired. It made me think of my dream.

"Yes. It was...hard for me," Caden admitted, staring out the window.

"You shouldn't watch me, you know. At least not when I'm with Jason," I told him. I knew Cade wished he could take Jason's place and didn't want to feel guilty whenever I was with Jason. In fact, I knew I should have felt guilty then for being with the strawberry-blonde vam...I'm not writing it. In fact, I wish I did feel remorse.

"If you want me to stop watching, you had better stop being with him," Caden said abruptly. I knew he was serious.

"I can't stop being with him, Cade. I lov..."

"No you don't. You never will," Caden cut me off. I knew he was half right. I didn't 'love' Jason, not yet. But I knew the emotion was building.

"Cade..." I began to correct him, sitting up a bit, hoping to reason with him. But he was too quick. Suddenly his body was hovering over mine with one of his arms by my head and the other by my waist. I lost my breath for a second out of surprise.

"But you could love me," he said as if he was certain, as if he knew me completely, as if he knew the future. But I knew he didn't. He bent his head down towards mine. All my excuses for not kissing him last time were gone. I stayed completely still, my only movement the rising of my chest with each heavy breath.

I kept my eyes on his until his lips reached mine. He was so gentle, put he seemed practiced. His lips caressed mine as if I was his most prized treasure and he was scared if he was more eager he might break me. I tried not to kiss him back, not to encourage him, but within seconds I knew I had failed, even without moving.

I broke away from the kiss, feeling ashamed, knowing I had cheated on Jason. My only comfort was that I felt like I had been tricked into the situation. "It's late," I whispered reluctantly. He smirked, realizing that even though my words told him to go, I wanted him to stay.

Moments later he was gone, out the window.

I wish there was someone I could tell, to sort this all out. I feel like even when I fight my hardest around Caden I always fail. And why can't I at least be afraid of him because of _what he is_. I wish knowing the truth didn't make me so trusting.

But what's been dwelling on my thoughts the most since then Is that fact that the legends are in part true: vampires exist. And that makes me think, do werewolves...erm, shapeshifters exist too? And what does that mean for my Quileute friends?

XoXo Jennifer Heartly


	14. February 14th Guilt and Worries

February 14th

Dear Journal,

I've been feeling guilty all week...and worried. Kyle Langley disappeared Tuesday. Everyone is worried except those who should be. The elder's keep telling everyone it's all right, that he'll be back soon. The boy-pack has been skipping out on classes too. When the boy-pack is at school, they are always looking at Jason and Me. It freaks Jason out a lot. It makes me nervous. I know of Jason's history. I was smart enough to figure out about Jacob.

He's a werewolf. That's how he stayed so young. In all the legends, those who...phase more stay younger longer. I'm pretty sure it has something to do with his wife, Renesemee. Grandpa called her a "hybrid", I don't know what that means though.

Monday night, Jason came over to study. Caden didn't come that night. I was relieved. I don't want him to think he has a chance with me just because I let him kiss me. I mean, he's a VAMPIRE! Yes, I can say it now: V-A-M-P-I-R-E. And that should scare the heck out of me; sometimes it does when he sniffs my skin and hair.

Plus, I _know_ I am much happier with Jason. It's real emotion. When I'm with Caden, I _know _he is using some kind of vampire spell to seduce me. And it's not me! Well, it is, but it's not who I want to be.

Tuesday, when Kyle went missing, Jason was really worried. They were kind of close. Jason said the boy-pack watched Kyle a lot too. And now he's gone. Things are getting so weird. What if Jason goes missing too? Plus, Jason said Jacob has been coming around more "checking up on things". I haven't told Jason that I know about the legends, that they are true. I wonder if he knows.

Wednesday night, Cade was back. He didn't stay long after I woke up. I tried to act really tied (it wasn't hard, I _was_ really tired). He held my hand while I tried to fall asleep to brush him off, but then he brought my hand to his lips, smelling my scent and kissing my wrist. I yanked it away. "Please don't do that," I told him.

He nodded, somehow confused as to why I didn't want to talk to him. Finally he was convinced that I was asleep, though I wasn't. He kissed me on my cheek, jawbone and neck. I shivered and he left. I feel liked I need to talk to something about this. Jacob is coming back tomorrow to see Jason. I plan on being there too.

XoXo Jennifer Heartly


	15. February 16th Confrontation

February 16th

Dear Journal,

My plan wasn't so ingenious as I had thought. So I went over Jason's yesterday about 7:00. I knew Jacob was coming sometime after that. Jason was really surprised, I tried to act really sweet and innocent and of course he bought it. Jacob came only a few minutes later.

"You made me completely forgot! Jacob's here. You probably shouldn't stay," Jason said giving me a quick kiss as if to say goodbye. I held his face to mine a little longer than was natural. The doorbell rang again and Jason was too caught up in the kiss to get his head straight. So I answered the door for him.

"Cade?!" I exclaimed. Man, was I shocked. Jacob had brought Cade. I was dumbfounded. Jason was confused. Jacob was worried. "What are you doing here? I though...the border?"

Caden had an obnoxious smile on his face as he entered, placing his arm around me and kissing my cheek. "The elders want to review me to see if the border needs to be moved," he said with a wink. I pushed his arm from off of me. Jason stood defensively. I went to stand beside him and took his hand.

Sam Uley, Jason's father Bill Black Jr., Seth Clearwater and two others came out from the back room. One of the guests, a man, was tall but not as old as Sam, maybe in his 50's. The other was a female, a woman in her mid 30's, though I will say I have been VERY wrong about ages lately. "Jacob," Sam greeted with a nod.

The female eyed me, as if asking why I was here at all. This wasn't what I had in mind. "Jason, why don't you and Jennifer go to your room," Mr. Black suggested without taking his eyes from Jacob. I saw Cade tense, repressing a growl. Jason tried to lead me away but I was firm in my place.

"Jacob, we'll talk to you back here for a moment. Quil will keep an eye on the boy out here," Sam said, though I could hear suspicion in his voice. Jacob whispered some words to Caden, patted his shoulder and then following the three Quileutes into the back room. 'Quil' sat down in the lazy boy but his eyes were on the young vampire.

I held tight to Jason's hand and we sat down on the coach. I leaned my head on his shoulder, trying to watch whatever was on the T.V.. C.S.I., my mom's favorite. However, I jerked up when I felt something sit down beside me: Caden. He ever-so-casually put his arm around me as if I was his.

"Cade, please stop," I said, shrugging out from under his arm.

"Yeah, man, keep your hands off," Jason said defensively, I was glad he did. It felt good to have someone defend me. Jason replaced Caden's arm with his own and I wonder why I hadn't taken Mr. Black's suggestion and left.

Cade didn't like being ignored. "So, it's nice to finally meet Jason Black. Jenny's told me a lot about you," he taunted.

"Cade, stop," I whispered but I knew the moment I did, Jason's interest was perked.

"When have you guys talked before? I mean, I know about that one type but Jen never mentioned..." Jason began to question.

"It's only been a few times at the cafe where I work...and he's delusional," I said quickly, rolling my eyes and hoping they would both drop it. But I should have known Cade wouldn't.

"Yeah, a few times here and there...and then that one lovely night," Caden mention with a growing smirk. Jason loosened his hold of my hand and looked into my eyes, full of questions.

"I'm sure the elders would love to know that you broke through their border several times," I snapped back, and then realized I should have chosen my words more carefully.

"Several times?" Jason asked and Quil turned off the T.V., accusing both me and Caden with his stare. "Jen..."

"Jason, please don't listen to him..."

"Listen, Jace, she's just trying to hide her feelings for me by crushing on you. It's best just to let her go now rather than later. After all, I'm sure we both know that it's me she really wants," Caden jeered, I couldn't take any more.

I slapped him as hard as I could; my hand throbbed with pain. Jason took my "good" hand and we stood. I looked at him with eyes full of pleading. "I think we need to talk," he said gently and I knew he was angry with Cade, not me.

"Go and talk then. Me and Jen have a lot more than that to do later," Cade snickered. I hated him more than ever for what he had said and knew that I loved Jason for what he did in return. He pounded his fist into Caden's face; he was stronger than I thought. The vampire's body fell to the side from the impact.

Jason took my hand to lead me outside as Cade stood to fight back. Fortunately, Jacob and the elders came out then. They asked what was going on and Jason told them "the bloodsucker was insulting Jen". Jacob looked sternly at Cade, though I knew he was thinking about Jason's exact wording.

I think Jacob knew that Caden had been sneaking out to see me. From what I saw in the elder's faces, I assumed he had told them. They sat down to talk to Cade as Jason lead me outside.

"Jason, I'm so sorry, are you alright?" I asked as I took his hand in mine. I kissed his red knuckles, knowing it must have hurt. He placed his arms on my shoulders. I could almost hear the conversation inside. We were standing just outside the screen door. I hoped they weren't watching us. I knew Cade was.

"Jen, you have to tell me the truth about...about what he said," Jason told me. I was afraid to tell him, not because I thought he would be angry but because it made me feel like I didn't deserve him. Let's face it: I don't.

"The other night when I told you about those drunks? Well, I didn't tell you everything. They got...wild when I went to leave and Caden saved me from them but my car was broke so her drove me home," I began, trying to get through it as quickly as possible. "We had spoken a few times before that.

"That night, our first date, he was the one that jumped on your truck and a week later knocked on the door. Well, a couple days after that first date I woke up after a nap and he was in my room. After our second date he showed up again. I had had a nightmare and when I woke up I was so scared. Jason," I took his face in my hands. "You've got to believe me when I say that I don't want him around. He puts a spell on me or something, like he's seducing me. I promise I didn't kiss him back."

"HE KISSED YOU?!" Jason yelled and turned for the door to give Caden another beating. I put my hand on his shoulder and saw Cade wink at me, obviously hearing Jason's outburst. Jason sighed and turned towards me. "I believe you, everything you said about your feelings for him."

"I'm so glad, I thought you would take his side," I admitted as he pulled me into his arms.

"Never, I can promise you that," he told me and kissed my forehead. "Just promise me that next time he shows up, you'll call me to give in a proper beating." I nodded, but I knew I wouldn't. Cade could kill Jason in a heartbeat and I wouldn't risk him for anything.

I was so relieved that Caden hadn't been able to influence Jason. I knew he was still watching so I gave Jason the most passionate kiss I ever have. It was probably the longest too. After that he drove me home. So much for resolving questions. I'll have to catch Jacob another time.

XoXo Jennifer Heartly


	16. February 25th He's Gone

February 25th

Dear Journal,

Caden hasn't showed up since that night, the night I wrote about last time. So I haven't written. Things have been great with Jason and me. Well, they were great. He was still questioning sometimes but knows I don't want to talk about it. Everything was great. Till a few hours ago.

Jason wasn't at school today. I'm really scared.

I went to his house and asking Mr. Black if Jason was sick. He didn't say anything, just said "Yeah, he's sick" but I knew he was lying. I tried calling Jason's cell but he never answered. I left about fifty messages. I know that sometimes people just take a break for a day and stuff but...this reminds me too much of Kyle.

Speaking on Kyle, he came back to school Friday. He was really big; maybe twice the size of when I last saw him. And he was sitting with the boy-pack. He didn't talk to any of his friends, not even Sarah. Sarah went to Seattle with her Aunt for the weekend. I called her and she hasn't seen Jason. She's worried now too.

I only had one resort; I could just let it go. I had to know Jason was safe. So I called the Wolfes. Someone named Chuck answered, I'm guessing the last member of their coven. He told me, "Jacob up isn't home, he had to get out for the weekend. But I can have him call you when he gets back." It was obviously rehearsed.

"That will be too late!" I yelled at the phone, then lowered my voice so I didn't wake Gramps. "I can't believe I'm asking this, but is Caden there?"

A few moments later, Cade was on the phone. "Jenny, is this about...what happened? Look, I'm really sorry, I've been trying to give you some space. I know I overreacted when I saw you with Jason. I shouldn't have made things worse between us..."

"Cade, stop. I'm not calling about that. I'm calling about Jason. He's gone," I said, my voice cracked at the end. Caden didn't respond and there were a few tense moments of silence.

"I'll be there in a second," he said, before I could stop him he hung up the phone. That wasn't what I wanted. I don't know why I even asked to talk to him. I curled up into a ball in the corner of my room, hoping my phone would ring and Jason would tell me he was okay.

I don't know how long I sat there feeling alone. But it seemed like seconds when I saw Caden climb through the window. I didn't want to rush into his arms to be comforted; I didn't want to encourage him. But everyone else was acting like things were okay, I was breaking up inside.

Caden didn't say anything. He just came and sat beside me and put an arm around me. I closed my eyes and tried not to think. "Cade, what's going to happen to him?" I asked, hoping he would know the answer.

"Jacob didn't say exactly, but I do know things...change," he replied, carefully choosing his words.

"What? You mean he's..."

"He's got the same blood as Jacob, dog flees in his veins. What did you expect?"

"So he's gonna become a werewolf...I mean, shapeshifter," I stated, trying to accept it as truth. "Why does my life have to screw up every time things start to get perfect? I wish your coven had stayed away. Then this wouldn't happen!" I harshly spoke. Caden hesitated then removed his arm from around me. "Cade, I didn't mean..."

"Yes, you did. Just know that if he doesn't come back the same, I _will_ be the same, and I will still be waiting for you," Caden told me. He kissed my hair and then left. I was alone again. And I feel so alone now.

XoXo Jennifer Heartly


	17. February 30th Caden

February 30th

Dear Journal,

I didn't go to work today or yesterday. I called in sick because I feel sick, like dying. And stupid. Yesterday at school I went up to Daniel Uley and asked were Jason was. He just laughed and made some off-color comment. "I know you know what's going on. Now tell me where he is!" I commanded him, but I'm not to good at getting my way.

"Chill, Jennifer Heartily. He'll be fine. You might as well go cuddle with your parasite though, Jason won't be seeing you anymore," he said. What could that mean? Unless Jason was dead, I knew he wouldn't just leave me like that without some explanation. Any explanation. I wouldn't care if he got married to a bimbo in Las Vegas as long as he would just tell me.

Cade came by every night since I called him. He's not so pushy; I think he's finally figuring out his place. He's going to have to settle with being just friends. We're talk more about things now to try to keep my mind off Jason. He answered a lot of questions I had without hesitating and his honest answers were startling.

"When were you first changed in a...you know?" I inquired gently as he stroked my hair.

"September 5th, 1962. I was nineteen, just graduated from high school and went to Vietnam, for the war. It was...nothing like they said. I first joined in 1960, I was a year too young but I got away with it, I don't know how. Anyways, one night I was on patrol and some nomad vampires found me, wanted a 'fresh snack'. A raid came and they didn't have time to finish me. So I changed. It was...terrible."

I could hear the pain and remorse in his voice, but I didn't move. "And how did you meet Jacob? Why did you join their coven?"

"Well, I justified my feeding by living off the enemy. When the war end in the mid 70's I went back to the states. I didn't have any self-control so I was constantly moving. Even time I fed on an innocent life I wanted to kill myself but I didn't think there was any other way to live.

"I ran into the Cullens – another vegetarian coven – two years back. They were already too large but I stayed with them long enough to understand them. They told me of another coven coming here to Washington and said it would be a good start. I went to join the Wolfe coven but...I wasn't used to not having...human blood. I went a little crazy and then Renesemee found me and they brought me up here with them. I'm still not used to eating elk and lions instead of...humans but I'm trying."

I didn't say anything for a long time. To think that Caden had feed on humans, innocent humans. It wasn't even ten years ago, it was probably last year. I was scared to think of what he was like then. Suddenly, I found myself asking the most frightening question I could imagine: "Do you want to...drink my blood?"

I couldn't read Caden's face, he seemed like he was trying to decide something. Finally he answered. "Yes." His answer froze my heart in place and I felt it stop beating. I wondered if my nightmare was some sort of premonition. Was I in danger? I'm pretty sure he knew what I was thinking. Cade took my hand in his and held my wrist to his nose. He breathed in the smell.

"When I smell human blood, it reminds me of every kill I ever made, all the innocent faces flash before me. It also reminds me of the taste of human blood. It's overwhelming how delicious it is," he told me, seemingly intoxicated by the smell of my blood rushing through my veins. It didn't feel right, I pulled my hand away. "I'm sorry for scaring you."

"It's alright," I mumbled, knowing I was completely 'alright' with it.

"Jenny," he began, his hand holding my face gently. "You know I would never harm you. Ever. You're the only person that makes me feel normal. You're the only one who helps me believe I'm not a monster, that I can do this. I can control myself."

"Why?" was all I could manage to answer. I hadn't considered myself normal since mom and I moved to La Push. How could I make _him _feel normal?

"You remember that one day at the cafe when you gave me your coffee to warm my hands?" I nodded, remembering the occasion. "I think you knew what I was then, even if you didn't admit it. And still you cared, knowing that I was probably a vampire and fed on human blood and had killed people."

"I didn't..."I tried to say, but I knew that even then I had considered the possibility.

"There were other times too, but I just wanted you to know how you make me feel, you don't have to know why," he said, though he seemed to imply that he hadn't shared all of his feelings. He knew I would reject some of them and I was glad I wouldn't have to.

XoXo Jennifer Heartly


	18. March 8th Entirely BiPolar

March 8th

Dear Journal,

Another week and Jason still isn't back. I hoped he would be at school today, but he wasn't. Cade left a little while ago, I know it's late and I really need sleep, but I keep thinking if I stay up a little longer, Jason might show up. I don't know, everything seems so...wrong.

Caden has been really different. I would think he would be more aggressive now that Jason is gone, an opportune moment to sweep me off my feet. But he has. Sometime he just sits and talks. If I need someone to hold me and be silent, he's there. He strokes my hair when he knows I need comforting and reads me poetry to help me fall asleep.

He's so much gentler. I think it's because he knows I'm at the breaking point. If he tried to...seduce me there is a 50/50 chance that I would either accept him just to forget for a moment or that I would completely reject him forever. I feel entirely bipolar all the time now. Stupid, conflicting emotions.

Tonight I asked him why he was...different. "Because you need me to be a friend right now," was his answer. "I'll be whatever you need whenever you need it." Before Jason left, I was sure he was 'the one'. I know that sounds corny, but it was my first love. Every girl dreams her first will be her last, like some magical fairytale.

But I can't say that anymore. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, but – while my heart does yearn for Jason to return – I can't say I've grown fonder for _him_. Emotions are so tricky. I don't feel the same thing for Cade that I feel for Jason, but I feel something.

I guess I have a lot to think about.

I hope with all my heart that Jason is at school tomorrow and that nothing has changed.

But maybe things have changed already.

XoXo Jennifer Heartly


	19. March 10th How to Fix Me

March 10th

Dear Journal,

Everything has change. For better or for worse? Well, now it all depends on Jason. If he returns and doesn't want me or...doesn't return at all, it pains me to say for better. If he dies, my life will be worse if only because I'll have to choose. I hate having to make big decisions, and this one would probably change the rest of my life, if not at least my years here in Washington.

Last time, Caden came as always. He seemed really nervous and I asked what he had to be nervous about. He told me he had wrote a poem; it was his forgotten hobby until recently...until he met me. I don't remember all of it so to try to repeat it would probably just make it worse, but I remember a few lines, my favorite lines:

She a girl with a broken life that I could fix with a kind heart She a girl with a broken heart that I could fix with a smile She a girl with a broken smile that I could fix with a kiss

I told him it was beautiful, though it made me sad. He asked me why it made me feel sad; I think he thought it had hurt me. "Because I feel so broken," I told him, but I didn't want to look in his eyes so I looked down at my hands which where fiddling with the edge of my blanket.

"I could fix you, if you'd let me," he said, and I knew that he wasn't trying to make a move on me like he had before. I just knew that he actually cared about me, not in the competitive way he had before, but in a way that told me if I wanted to be just friends, he would try to live with that.

"I think you're the only one who can now," I admitted, thinking that I had been completely abandoned by Jason. In fact, I felt abandoned by everyone except Cade. They all tried to act as if it was natural, but I knew something supernatural and strange was going on. I looked up at Cade, his topaz eyes were full of concern.

"Then...hold still, and I will," he whispered. He hesitated for a moment then leaned forward. I closed my eyes, trying to remember perfectly still. His lips touched mine, cold as ice but soft like snow, molding to my own. This time I didn't try to hold back, but I did hold still. I kissed him back slowly. He pulled away to look in my eyes, to know that this was what I wanted.

I put a hand on his face and tilted my head towards him. I tried not to move, but as our lips melting together I couldn't help but let my hands feel his face, his hair, his chest. He seemed to be having trouble too. His hands tried to stay on my shoulders but I felt them drift up into my hair and then one hand fell over my heart.

Suddenly I felt a sharp pain on my lower lip and I pulled back, the taste of blood in my mouth. I closed my lips, swallowing the blood and staring with frightened curiosity at Cade. He had pulled away when I had, but he had been quicker, sharper. He turned his face from me, one of his hands trace his lips. I could see my blood on his fingertips.

"Caden..." I whimpered, scared that he would loose control. I closed my mouth quickly, hoping the smell of my fresh blood wouldn't reach him. He looked at me, his eyes wide but I wasn't sure if it was fear or lust. He swiftly stood and started for the window. "No..." I firmly whispered and made my way to him as fast as I could, hoping not to wake my sleeping relatives.

I took his hand, the clean one. He held his glisten red fingers to his nose and then grabbed his head in anguish. His jaw was set and his eyes were closed tight. It looked like he might have pulled out his hair at any second. "I really need to go...I can't take it. I thought I could be safe around you because...because I care but..." he murmured.

"You didn't mean to, you couldn't have. It was just an accident," I tried to comfort him.

"But it wasn't. You were so close to me, closer than I'd ever thought you'd want to be and when I felt your heart beating, the blood pulsing through your veins my instincts took over," he confessed, still not looking me in the eye, though he had dropped his hand and was looking to the window. "Perhaps it's best if I don't come back," he said with regret.

"No. Jason left me already, you can't leave too," I commanded him, but my voice was weak.

"Maybe he'll come back and then I'll be just a 'creeper' again. What if he hasn't changed and it was just a mistake?"

"I don't want him to come back," I said fiercely. It wasn't completely true, but Cade looked at me bewildered. I had said the last thing he had ever expected me to.

"You don't mean that. It's late, you're just tired..."

"Don't do that! I'm telling you that you're the one I want and you're saying I'm just tired?!" I told him, raising my voice more than I should have. He stepped close to me, putting a strong hand on my shoulder to calm me. I put my hands on his face and pulled him down to kiss him.

"Jenny, I don't think that's a good idea. Your blood..."he said, putting a hand on mine. But I could tell he didn't want to stop me, whether it was because he wanted to kiss me or he wanted my blood, I couldn't tell.

"Caden, you could drink all my blood, you could stop my heart, because it's yours," I told him. Of course, I was just trying to be poetic; look at my seducing him now! But he leaned down so I could kiss him. He was hesitant again, almost not moving as my lips caressed his.

His tongue traced my lower lip, tasting my blood. I didn't stop him. His laced his fingers through my hair and his other hand rested on my lower back, pulling me closer. He began to kiss me back, though more aggressively than before. Again I didn't stop him; after all, this _is_ what I had said I wanted.

He began to suck on my lower lip and I tensed. I could feel the blood being drunk from my lips. My eyes opened and I began to become dizzy. I couldn't push away, he held me to tight. "'ade..." I was able to mumble in distress and he flew back away from me.

I fell to the ground, too week to stand. Caden cursed himself, blood dripping from his lips...my blood. A tear slid down from my eye, but I didn't make a single noise. I was breathing deeply. "I'm so sorry, Jenny. I...I knew I shouldn't have. I could have..." he cursed himself again, pacing and pulling out his hair once more.

"Please don't blame yourself, it was my fault...at least in part. I shouldn't have tempted you. I think we both need to learn control," I said gently. He walked over to me like stone and picked me up in his arms. I could see from the look in his eyes that he was still cursing himself inside. He laid me on my bed and pulled the blankets around me and then he was gone.

I felt so ashamed for having put him in such a tempting situation. But it was unbelievable when he kissed me. It was so different from Jason's kisses.

I still can't say which I'd prefer. But if Jason doesn't come back, I won't have to say anyways.

XoXo Jennifer Heartly


	20. March 20th B'Dazzled

March 20th

Dear Journal,

Caden asked me out on a date - a real date – tonight. I only just got back. I told my mom I was just going with some friends. She said it was fine as long as I didn't stay out too late since it was a school night. She left for her night shift at the gas station her in La Push shortly before Cade came. I don't like her working so late. But I know she is safe, somehow I know.

Caden came through my window as always. "Where are we going? And where is your car? How are we going to get there?" I asked when he first came through. He smiled but didn't step too close. He had been distant physically since Monday.

"Well, let's just leave it at I'm the car," he said, leaving me to have plenty of questions. But I didn't ask any of them. I knew he wanted this first date thing to be a big surprise for me. So I smiled back and moved closer to him.

"I hope you're a good ride then?" I flirted, hoping to soften him enough to at least give me some sort of a hint. I was close enough to touch him now but I didn't. I heard him catch his 'breath'; a combination of my words and my attire I think.

Since it was the first day of spring, I went with a more feminine style of clothing. He hadn't really seen much of my skin because it was usually so cold. Without going into my whole wardrobe choice, it would suffice to say that my curves and lines were more obvious now. "Where did you say we were going again?" I asked innocently reaching up to give in a quick kiss.

He turned his head so my lips kissed his cheek and then swooped me up into his arms. "I didn't. And you're not going to find out until we're there, no matter how sexy or innocent you try to be," he responded, giving me a peck on the cheek. "But I like it when you try." I flushed and suddenly we were flying.

He must have gone out the window, but he was moving so fast. I held on with all my might. I couldn't really see where we were head because the wind stung my eyes from the speed. I wished I had had time to grab a jacket: the combination of Cade's cold skin and the chilly wind made me shiver.

Finally we stopped moving. We were at his car now, just outside of Forks. I had never really looked at his car. But it looked way expensive. It was jet black and looked sleek, like a sports car. He held the door open for me. "Your carriage awaits," he exclaimed overdramatically.

As I passed I stepped up on my tippy-toes to kiss him. He smirked mischievously and jerked his head out of the way. "Control, Jenny," he reminded me like my mom would when I was six. I frowned and sat down on the leather seat. Just before he closed the door completely, he bent low and whispered, "There'll be plenty of time for uncontrolled passion later."

I looked at him confused and excited. He left me guessing and went to get in his side of the car. He turned the car on and started driving. I was reminded of how fast he drove. "If you don't slow don't, you're gonna get pulled over, you know," I told him, the speed making me dizzy.

"No, I don't know. Because I'm going too fast for them to even catch me," he said arrogantly, but I knew he was trying to show off.

"Oh? So what would you say if somehow you did get caught?"

"That I thought I had to hurry or my date would miss the best show of he life," he said in a matter-of-fact voice. More confusing hints. I wanted straight answers; I hated being left in the dark.

Finally, we reach the thick forest. He parked on the dirt, dead-end road and was around to open my door before I could flinch. "There is something I want to show you: what I...really am," he told me. At first he seemed eager to share a secret with me, but at the end I saw his excitement falter.

He swooped me up again. This time he placed a delicate kiss on my collarbone. My lips went for him but again he avoided me. "What's wrong?" I asked, laughing at the little game he seemed to be playing.

"I'm practicing self-control. You should try it," he teased and then we were moving through the forest at speeds I had never experience in my life except for today. And now I was getting the ride of my life twice!

Finally, after what seemed like hours, we stopped just on the edge of a large, circular meadow of faded, dead grass. "I wish I could have taken you here when everything was bright and colorful, but I didn't want to wait."

"What is this place?" I inquired; it seemed magically.

"Renesemee's father brought his wife here, when they were living in Forks." He paused and turned to look at me with hope in his eyes. "She was a human too."

"Was? Did she die?" I asked, though what had caught my attention was the word 'wife'. I hope that Caden isn't thinking about that yet.

"You could say that. But she's only as dead as I am." I didn't respond. I knew what he meant. She became a Vampire to be with her love forever. I didn't met Cade's eyes. I don't think I could sacrifice my humanity for him. "But that's not why we're here. Just stay in the shadows until I say so."

He smiled and stepped out of the woods. I saw his hands working at the buttons on his shirt, wondering what kind of show he was going to put on. I saw the light of the sun hit him. It was rare to have a day as bright as this one, though clouds hid the sun until now. He hesitated and turned.

It's hard to describe what happened. I'm not even sure if I really understand it. It's just so...strange. When the sunlight hit is skin, he didn't melt or scream in pain or anything. He...sparkled. Like there were thousands of diamonds super-glued to every inch of his skin. He nodded for me to come closer.

With cautious steps I made my way over to where he was. I could see he was waiting for a reaction. I couldn't help but giggle. "Who would have thought vampires were sparkly," I said as my fingers felt down his bare chest, trying to feel if there really were diamonds in his skin. "Kind of gay, Cade," I joked.

"Thanks, that makes me feel a lot better about showing you," he replied sarcastically, but I knew he didn't really mind.

"Honestly, it is beautiful. You're a sparkling artwork of God, too expensive for a price tag. If I had skin like this I'd be the most precious diamond in the word," I mussed allow. His glittering hands caught mine, keeping them still on his chest.

"You already are the most precious diamond to me, even without the 'gay vampire skin'," he laughed with a gentle smile. His smile fell to a frown. "But I'm not artwork of God. More like Satan's own crafty, Trojan horse." I looked down, understanding what he meant. After all, I knew just as well as anyone that vampires were monsters. It was still hard to believe that some of them _didn't_ live off of human blood.

Finally he let me kiss him. I was careful to be soft and gentle and not move too much. It was a simple but meaningful kiss. I smiled at him when he pulled away. "So, is watching you sparkle all that's on the agenda for this date?" I inquired with a raised eyebrow.

"What else do you need?" He asked, seemingly disappointed that his glittery skin wasn't enough to entertain me for hours. Color flushed my cheeks and I opened my mouth to apologize, having no idea he thought so much of himself. Then he laughed. "Just kidding, who would want to watch a b'dazzled vampire glitter for hours on end?"

He took my hand and led me to the edge of the wood, opposite the way we'd come. Before I knew it we were off again. All this speed-running was getting to my head. I just closed my eyes and held on tight. We seemed to go farther this time, at least the journey somehow seemed longer. The sun was starting to set.

"Wow," I said in admiration, thinking that just watching the waterfall might be enough to entertain me for a while. "What was on the agenda to do here?"

"I thought a swim might be nice," he said with an enthusiastic smile. I simply laughed in return.

"You're joking, right? I'm freezing as it is! That water must be cold as ice!" I exclaimed. His smile didn't leave his face. He went over to a box I hadn't seen before. It looked like the kind you would see at a pool. He opened the lid and pulled a bundle of stuff out.

He handed me a towel and one-piece bathing suit. In his hands was another towel and swimming trunks. "Caden, it's too cold! I'll freeze to death, I swear. Or at least have a heart-attack from the shock!"

He kissed my cheek. "Just go change," he said and then went off into the woods. At this point I was a little paranoid. _Change in the woods?_ I went the opposite direction as him and found a spot behind a bush. I draped my towel around me and changed as fast as I could. I kept the towel around my shoulders, shivering.

When I got back to the lake, teeth chattering slightly, Caden was already in the water, wearing floral trunks and floating on his back. "It's too cold, Cade," I told him again, afraid to even touch the water.

"Look whose shy now? I swear to you, Jenny. The water isn't freezing, not even chilling slightly!" he said. I didn't think he was lying, but maybe he was just deceived. After all, nothing would feel cold to him. I let the towel drop off me, I watch his reaction when he saw me in nothing but a halter-style, red bathing suit. He just kept smiling.

I made my way to the water and dipped my big toe in the water. "It's too cold!" I said on instinct and pulled my foot away.

"Baby," Cade teased and before I could move again he was behind me with his arms around my waist, pulling me into the water. I shriek from surprise and fear as we splashed into the water. I braced for an icy-cold death. I could barely keep my feet kicking I was so shocked. Caden held me up.

"It's, like, 30 degrees right now! How is the water this warm?" I asked in surprise, my wet hair clinging to my shoulders.

"It's called a hot spring. There are lots of them all around Washington. We're actually in the state park right now," Cade informed me, his arms tight around my waist. Somehow, his cold arms felt good to my skin.

"So, are you a swimmer or something, sparkle-boy?" I asked, just plain old curious.

"I used to be, before the war. Didn't make time for it afterwards. We found this spring the first time we came hunting here. Kind of set it up as our own personal pool," Caden told me. I squirmed out of his arms, confident I could handle myself now. We swan around each other in circles.

"You never told me how the 'interview with a vampire' went," I told him, obviously wanting all the details. Cade laughed.

"They actually changed the rules of the border a bit. If anyone is found dead by vampire in La Push, all hell will break loose between the dogs and us. But if we are welcomed to someone's home – like your's for instance – then they will be tolerant of our visit. With the exception to me: I'm not allowed over the border for any reason until I can show more control. But as you know, I don't really listen."

"I'm glad you don't or I'd still be alone." I smiled, but my expression turned thoughtful as I thought of Jason. I looked up and Caden was right in front of me. I laughed as he pulled me close and kissed my cheek. I wrapped my legs around his waist to keep balance and kissed him back. Then I hesitated. "Is this alright? I don't want to tempt you or anything."

"Jenny, you can believe me when I say that _you_ are much more tempting that your blood right now," and he kissed my lips, passionate and strong. I held his head but didn't move anything except my lips. His hands stroked my back gently; it was a hypnotizing feeling.

Suddenly I hurt something move in the trees and I looked up. "What was that?" I asked. Caden tensed and sniffed the air.

"Werewolf." He said, and I knew it was Jason.

XoXo Jennifer Heartly

**End Part 1**

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**THIS is the end for PART 1 of the LA PUSH JOURNAL story. I decided to start a new story as PART 2 to keep from chapters just building and for there to be a little more...organization or whatever. PLEASE continue to read about Jennifer, Jason and Cade in Part 2 (click my name to access a linkt to the story)**.


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